Hey everybody! Thanks for watching my roommate the Hippie!! It made Youtube’s entertainment page yesterday so congrats to all who were part of it, we rocked. And if you’re hungry for more, my roommate the Youtuber is on deck! So stay tuned.
Okay so here’s the thing. These blogs get A LOT of spam. Some of it is actually convincing until you read another comment that is exactly the same and user name reads “Buy Dildos”. So, as a test and favor to me, could you please write a comment, and begin that comment with the word GHOSTBUSTERS. This is a test to see if these blogs really make a difference, which I’m on the fence about. Oh don’t worry, I’ll still write in here, I’m self indulgent like that.
ALSO, if you live in the Southern California region, how opposed would you (our fans and friends) be to joining us on a desert salt bed (probably 2 hours outside of LA) to shoot a scene for my roommate the Time Traveler? I’m just feeling the crowd before I release a full on video request for participants.
So here we are, in the season of p-coats and guilt. When I am reminded at every major street corner decorated with lights and discount signs, that it’s that time of year to take one for the team and stimulate the economy. Economy of course being a codename for yuppies with credit cards. Anyone who works a job in civil servitude will tell you that this is the busiest month of the year. But not strangely enough, January and February are the bleakest and penniless months of the year. And it would seem that the busier it is in December, the less busy it will be in the months following. Now, I’m not an economist by any stretch of the imagination, but from a layman’s point of view it would appear that spending money you don’t actually have, then promising yourself that you’ll make the money back later, only to buy nothing for several months later does not reflect a healthy stimulation. It seems a lot more like a choke-out. Of course some would defend by saying “There’s no holidays really in the January and February so why would we spend money?” And I suppose that’s valid except for the fact that basing your expenditures on the holiday calendar is like the diet of an anorexic teenager who starves her stomach all week just so she can have that Saturday night cheeseburger and milkshake. It’s no secret that society’s in a bind, and it’s also no secret that the authority has changed their approach on fixing it 3 different times now. And people, with all this amazing ability of self-awareness, continue their routines like an assembly machine with no off-button. Calm down capitalists, I know how important the free market is, I just don’t think helping the economy is a healthy excuse for going red on your credit card just so you don’t look like the broke bloke on Christmas day. It’s Christmas, not Guiltmas.
And more importantly but a lot less obvious is the general attitude around Christmas time. Deep down inside I love Christmas. It brings back those childhood memories when things were innocent. Where God, I mean your parents, I mean Santa; gives you toys to play with on the one day when nothing is really open except for that sushi restaurant on the corner, or that mega movie theater with one good movie at only 2 showtimes. Christmas is a day to relive the experience of humility as you unwrap some heavy-ass book about wine you’ll never afford, or the dvd “Grown Ups” that they bought from the shelf next to the checkout counter. And you’re already thinking about what you’ll exchange it for when you go back to into Target the next day.
So you might get away with skipping a year by traveling somewhere that doesn’t have Christmas, or you might be completely alone and can’t afford a ticket home. But make no mistake, the Christmas yuppies will find you, and they will carol to you through your walls until you surrender to the gravitational power of the Christmas guilt cheer. There is no escape. So throw on a Christmas sweater, drink some spiked eggnog, or suffer the wrath of community alienation. Just remember that you have a soul, and that soul doesn’t need gift validation.
This is your homework Assignment for the Holiday:
1)When someone gives you a gift and you don’t have one to give them in return, or yours isn’t as nice as theirs, DO NOT apologize. Look them in the eye, and thank them.
2)When someone gives you a card with no money and some generic impersonal shit written in it like “I value your friendship”, don’t toss it in with the others. Take it personally, and remember – they at least thought of you when counting out how many holiday cards to buy.
3)When someone gives you a gift you don’t like or isn’t for you at all (i.e. sweaters that don’t fit, chess sets you don’t have room for in your closet, or jewelry you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing and can’t return because it was bought at a boutique in Italy), don’t fake being surprised. Laugh at the randomness of this insincere gift and appreciate that this is how they see you in through their eyes. Look at the person who gave it to you and imagine them as a stranger on the street who felt compelled to hand this thing to you just for the fuck of it. Thank them for the coincidence that it was you who was to receive this useless (and now priceless) item.
4)On New Years Eve, if you’re single, don’t search for someone to make out with when the ball drops. And when the ball drops, and there isn’t anyone to make out with, don’t feel sorry for yourself, and don’t just make out with any stranger just so you don’t feel like a chump. No one’s watching you, they’re all making out with somebody! Mark this in your memory as one of the few New Years you actually had to yourself, when the fate of your future companionship was uncertain, and that you had the strength to rejoice without the insecurity of being alone. (I’ll probably requote this for the Valentine’s blog) If you can do this, and feel fine afterward, you’ll know you’re next relationship won’t just be an act of settlement or fear, but out of strength and true compatibility.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy New Years to you. As my gift to those who’ve read this far, here’s a sneak peak at my roommate the Time Traveler…